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naked house.

May 19, 2009

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it's tough being alone in a two bedroom.

It feels so bare and lonely.

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What is love?

I miss my grandfather. After days like today I wish I could bend his ear. I can't remember a time when he just offered his advice. He would just listen and I liked that the most about him. I wish he could've met John. He would've loved him and how patient he is with everything from cooking to putting together a picture frame. I'm struggling -- no lie. I'm like how they reference a duck. I'm furiously paddling my feet below water and trying not to sink. Or I may just be bobbing in the water. I used to be tougher but lately my walls are starting to crumble. How thick does your skin have to be to make it?

Radio cure.

So this is all my fault. You know when you get so excited about something and then its over so you have nothing left to be excited about? Last week the iphone came out and I was so excited about it. I was so tempted to get one. I wanted one really bad. And July 11 was the date. I could afford one. Plus, it has everything I want in a phone, even the navigation system. It was perfect. So it came out. And then it was sold out. Bummer. So I'm outta luck again. My shine is great but the iphone is so much better. right? And then I realized I'm being retarded. I was getting depressed over a phone. this is when we should laugh at ourselves. Why do we always think we need something when we can be happy with what we have? Put on some heals.

the doubt.

I'm beginning to find the reason why we are all so fascinated with Carrie from Sex in the City. She may not have everything figured out at every moment in her life but I think we are all drawn to her because at the moment she has a problem, she is able to separate her self from the situation to see the bigger picture and try to relate it to a common problem that we all face. It's hard for me to look past a problem to see the bigger picture and find the ultimate outcome. I'm in a place of doubt. And tonight I realized that I am doubtful for no reason. Sometimes I think we all worry to much about what others think and never stop to think what we want, or what makes us happy without any doubt. Being doubtful is worrying too much. Don't doubt yourself, I guess that is what I am saying.

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