love love you.

This weekend was scary. I felt completely blank, just like someone knocked the wind out of me. And the only thing that got me a little better was the words.

This weekend I think I narrated the times in Lake Charles as if it was a book. I tend to do that in my head when things are serene. I kept wanting to get a pen and just go at it. My book was brewing. I think this was a little technique that I do to protect my true feelings. Just like great writers get in the zone to write and put themselves in the situation, I did the opposite.
I was in the middle of a chapter and I took myself out of it and just listened to the words because I was already in the middle of it.
...If this makes any sense.

I kind of wish the words would come back and resound in my head but I wish I could leave the feelings there. I always come back from visiting my grandparents with a lot of feelings. But overall I am a little sad and very much heartbroken. I don't want this to be the end. Am I really ready for what happens next? I don't really even want to type that.

I know a little piece of me is dying too.

The whole weekend was my worst fear happening in front of me. And my grandmother gave me the most comfort. The lady who I thought I would be comforting was helping me. I am usually her daily strength but this weekend she became mine.

It's a precious time and you begin to value every living moment. Nothing is taken for granted. Actually I think that most describes my relationship with my grandfather. I value everything and every moment, since he first introduced the thought of him passing. I've always respected him.

I know everyone thinks there grandparents are great but mine are exceptional. I love spending every moment with them. Both my grandmother and father make me feel unconditional love.

All this time I was searching for someone to love me unconditionally and here it was right in front of me and with me all this time. It's safe love too. Love that will never break your heart. It's something that everyone has but few recognize or rather invite the feelings.