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Lack of color.

December 10, 2009

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What is love?

I miss my grandfather. After days like today I wish I could bend his ear. I can't remember a time when he just offered his advice. He would just listen and I liked that the most about him. I wish he could've met John. He would've loved him and how patient he is with everything from cooking to putting together a picture frame. I'm struggling -- no lie. I'm like how they reference a duck. I'm furiously paddling my feet below water and trying not to sink. Or I may just be bobbing in the water. I used to be tougher but lately my walls are starting to crumble. How thick does your skin have to be to make it?

Radio cure.

So this is all my fault. You know when you get so excited about something and then its over so you have nothing left to be excited about? Last week the iphone came out and I was so excited about it. I was so tempted to get one. I wanted one really bad. And July 11 was the date. I could afford one. Plus, it has everything I want in a phone, even the navigation system. It was perfect. So it came out. And then it was sold out. Bummer. So I'm outta luck again. My shine is great but the iphone is so much better. right? And then I realized I'm being retarded. I was getting depressed over a phone. this is when we should laugh at ourselves. Why do we always think we need something when we can be happy with what we have? Put on some heals.

I dyed.

Last night I drank red wine and dreamed of living in Paris. Just me. I guess it was my eat, pray, love moment, starring me instead of Julia Roberts or Elizabeth Gilbert. I love the part in that book when she is laying on the bathroom floor crying. For some reason I think the bathroom floor is where most of us find clarity in our lives. It's the only place that you can be alone and people expect you to go in there. My favorite room in the house: my bathroom. I remember this scene on Tough Love, the VH1 show that I credit stealing at least an hour of my Sundays to show me all the things I've done wrong in relationships. This girl on the show becomes confronted with a guy who she is in love with, and a guy who is from her past, that I guess she was still in love with. Seeing the awkward moments before her eyes, she runs to the bathroom. When she comes out, she quotes her mom. "My mom always told me that when you are feeling sad or helpless, go to the bathroom and take a secon

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